Hey there! Did you miss me? It has been well over a month now since my last blog entry was posted. How has it been that long? When I first started out on this journey, I really wanted to try and get you something new and exciting every week. Sundays seemed to make the most sense to me! Don’t ask me why, it just did. Why not?!?! So here I am again, trying to jump back in to the swing of things! I want to let you know where I have been for the last while and why there was radio silence for what seemed like forever. Also, I want to let you know what is going on with Krystal Klear Photography now.
This is where I am going to get real! I know I am not the only one that feels this way! Hence, the reason I feel it is something that I can share with all of you! Sometimes, as a business owner, I feel as though I always have to be running at 100%. Always putting out the ‘perfect’ content, images and brag worthy moments. Making sure I looked ‘busy’ at every moment of every day and doing exactly what I feel others expect my career to be!
More times than not, I get ~ call it maybe ~ a guilty feeling when I am out doing the things that everyone else around me gets to enjoy. It has taken me a very long time to be ok with doing those things! I have to remind myself that I deserve to have down time too. There are feelings that come over me from time to time. That people are looking at me because I am out with my family, or I decided to go for a walk, or I went to the grocery store because “isn’t she supposed to be editing or doesn’t she have a session she should be at?!?!”
Just like others, I get drained! I feel exhausted! I need a break from time to time! I want to hide under the sheets all day! I am human too! I have moments where I just want to sit and stare at the wall because, that is all I have left in me to give.
So where did I go in September? Why have you not heard from me until now? Honestly, I didn’t go anywhere! Well, that is not entirely true! My husband and I did sneak away for (what was supposed to be 10 days) to go camping for our 10 year wedding anniversary. It was so nice to have down time and not think about anything else. But what it also did, was show me how exhausted I really was. Then the nasty cycle of self doubt and mean girl talk started, and it was hard for me to just “snap out of it”!
Another thing I did get out of September was a new side hustle. It is something I have thought about doing for a long while now, but just never pulled the trigger. I became an Epicure consultant. I still do not know what that means for me and whether or not it will tie into what I bring to you here. One thing I do know is, I love to eat! This is helping me find a whole new way to cook and actually enjoy it again.
In all honesty, September for me was a month of insanity! Some of it was good insanity. The kind where you wonder where the time went because you were having so much fun! But mainly it was the type of insanity where you hope it will just end already. Sort of how most of us feel about the entirety of the year 2020! Because of all of this, plus everything else going on in my world, I didn’t have it in me to write anything; or come up with anything to write about.
Every time I would sit down, I would have an excuse of why I didn’t have time. Either I didn’t know what to write about or have the words to express what I thought I should write about. I really do enjoy writing, once the ideas are flowing! I never know from moment to moment what will come out of me! Sometimes I think I stress more about what I will actually put out there, than what I the words will be in my blog. Once I sit down there never seems to be a lack of content though. I guess that is why some say I have the gift of gab! LOL
Even though I struggled to put into words what I was feeling, thinking, or doing; I did have a great month with my clients!! They were all so wonderful and I loved every minute being with them! Each and every one of them was a nice distraction from the insanity I had gotten myself into.
I feel like I am getting part of my grove back and I am finding a new balance. The balance I have been searching for through this entire pandemic and even before. I know what I have found will potentially only be short lived, but maybe, just maybe, it will help me to find a little more of myself; and help me create the balance I need better, moving forward!
